Sweet Temptation

Secret government plans have just come to light to allow all children registered at British primary schools a vote at the forthcoming general election. The idea, apparently, is to promote the recent citizenship component of the national curriculum.

A spokesman said, "How can suffrage be a truly universal human right, when we exclude the youngest members of our society?"

In a simultaneous development, The Telegraph today carried a report that free Haribos will be available as an alternative to the unpopular daily fruit ration currently supplied to primary school pupils. Coca cola vending machines in secondary schools will dispense free drinks for a trial run only until the beginning of May.